A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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