..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
