I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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