Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
