bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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