I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
