she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
