I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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