Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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