We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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