I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
