I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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