Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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