I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize