I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
