dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
