Your tits are I can't wait for
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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