Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
