At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
