Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
