I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
