As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
