Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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