I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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