Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
