If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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