Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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