A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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