I CAN MOONWALK!
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize