is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
