you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize