I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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