i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I just shit out all my problems.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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