If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
