his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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