I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
