I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
