she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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