By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
