She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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