Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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