Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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