before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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