pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
