I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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