i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
