Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My pussy is not your playground.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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