You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
