It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
