The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
