I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
