fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
