I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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