Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
