Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
