yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
