Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
