I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize