i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i think i have herpe
just one?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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