How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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