This is not my ceiling
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
