Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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