I must be too annoying 4 u.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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