oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
