the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
