I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
