Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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