how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Houston, we have a squirter
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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