I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
