come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Randomize