and you said cock pushups were impossible
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
