You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
