Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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