i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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