is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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