Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
