I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
