he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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