Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
