While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The adults are the big ones right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
