he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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