with your own penis?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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