i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
