After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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