Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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