I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize