He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
