Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
