i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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