if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
