Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
