he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
