I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
