im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
