Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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