youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
