We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
