The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize