With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
