If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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