i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
