I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish you could order shots online.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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