when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
