I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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