in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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