I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
