i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
