Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
