Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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