I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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