Please, let me fuck your mom
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
