if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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