There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
