singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
