The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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