the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
