it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
