I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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