I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
