I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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