I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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