I wish I could teleport
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
