Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize