A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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