I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
